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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25848847">Dancing On My Own</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoulKeeperJV/pseuds/SoulKeeperJV'>SoulKeeperJV</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Wentworth (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/F, Implied Will Jackson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 05:35:17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,809</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25848847</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoulKeeperJV/pseuds/SoulKeeperJV</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Imagine watching the one you love falling in love with another. Imagine not being able to stop it....imagine knowing it's what they deserve. We can't stop fate, only accept it.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Joan Ferguson/Jianna Riley, Vera Bennett/Joan Ferguson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>22</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Dancing On My Own</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is my very first post here.  I have been writing for some time now but never brave enough to post anything. I was encouraged by a very special friend to post this story...I hope you all enjoy it.<br/>I look forward to hearing your thoughts.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I went from a world where hope and meaning was stripped away. Within dark confined walls...life was restricted...meek and mundane. But you...my savior who quickly became my love...my protector...brought me hope...laughter....promises of a life to be explored and fulfilled as a family...the three of us.</p><p>I never doubted your dedication to me....your love and loyalty was clear as day. Even when you left me at night...because we had no choice....I felt you here....with me...beside me...inside me I still felt the fire from our desires...even after you left...even the last time...even though you and I didn’t have knowledge it would be.</p><p>Do you ever feel me with you...beside you...was there a burning in your soul and heart for me....even when the days turned into months then into years. I know you did....I have always been there right beside you as you ached for me....you missed me....where I am now I still ache for you...for us...for shattered dreams and promises...through no fault of our own. I watched you put me...us...before everything when those years became decades...I always came first in your heart and mind. I watched you breakdown year after year...I watch you reject multiple offers...promises of a new life with love...in my own selfishness...I felt pride that I remained the sole keeper of your heart...that no one could ever replace me...no one could breakthrough the barriers you fiercely protected that held what we had. I wanted you to be happy. I wanted you to love but I enjoyed being with you even like this....I always cared about you.....you gave me things no one else did...love and hope....you gave me everything. Now...So far away but still so near. I’ve been near you...at times I was certain you felt my presence....at times I swore you looked right at me....as I stroked your hair...laid down beside you...we remained committed under unique circumstances for a life that ended too soon.</p><p>Years approaching...I saw it before you did....maybe before she did. She started to look at you the way I used to....but more importantly...more bitter sweetly...you started to look at her the way you looked at me but less guarded....she made you laugh in a way only I used to. I stood by and watched it unfold....your love story with another....I couldn’t look away....I was watching fate and destiny fulfill their purposes as you fell in love with another. The very place you purposely sought out...Wentworth.... to find the one responsible for our end...you found him....planned revenge to vindicate the life we were supposed to have. But the same place....the unexpected happened....I watched another start building back up what was breaking down...I watched her mend your heart....I watched you allow it...I knew you needed it.  You yearned for it. I’m standing here in the corner...watching you kiss her...the way you used to kiss me. Even that changed....the way you kissed her...it was different....you lingered longer....you never seemed to get enough of her...you started to look at her differently....there was something in your eyes when you looked at her I had never seen before...I didn’t recognize that level of connection....we never had that. I still couldn’t look away. I wanted to hate her.<br/>
I am right over here....why can’t you see me. Over these years you went from looking right at me to right through me. Now... The only time I truly feel I have your attention is when you come visit....when you look down at the pristine headstone you had made especially for me...you think the earth separates us between six feet of dirt and the immaculate casket my body resides. But I am right beside you...you don’t notice as much. You’ve come to tell me...you’ve met someone....that you love her....but I already knew.<br/>
I should hate her. How can I hate the woman who has restored you...renewed you...loves you unconditionally. It could only take a remarkable and extraordinary woman to get your attention and hold it after all this time. I guess that’s her....I guess that’s who Vera Bennett is. The woman who was able to reach into the deepest part of your heart you kept buried with me. She claimed the heart of my Joan. But you’re not mine anymore it seems. I didn’t want to accept or believe this love....how can a ghost be jealous...how could you replace me.<br/>
It was clear how much she loved you....not only did she encourage you to find my son...when you did...she insisted you bring him to live with you both. How could you not love her more in that moment. How could I hate her. This was no longer a competition...she can now  claim the victory of your love...your heart.<br/>
I remained watching over all of you during the years...I wasn’t ready to let go of you....of Shayne. I saw it all. I was sure it wouldn’t last...especially when she stands up to you...but you like that. The challenge....the provocation motivates you. She knows it and you loved her more because of it. I was convinced it wouldn’t last...you love your space...you always need time alone....you've told me...I saw it. You lived together...commuted together....worked side by side together....cooked together....slept and loved together and you never got enough of her. You sealed it when you married her...I still couldn’t let go. You still visited me...it was sparse but you did. You brought Shayne a few times but then he started to come alone. Vera...gave you everything I did....but she gave you something no one else has....I was there when she birthed your child...your biological son. She selfishly dedicated her body to give you one of life's precious gifts. A gift I was given but my own was cut short. I watched you hold our....my...son...ages ago...but when I saw you hold your son....I saw the difference....this is what you deserved....I’ll never forget the way you looked at her as you held him...you thanked her....I could feel my heart break as hers swelled with pride....I still couldn’t let go.<br/>
I still come to check you and Shayne often....the years are moving along...you don’t visit as much...you worry it upsets her even though she tells you it doesn’t. You have a family ...time...and life demands you more....you have a toddler...you have a wife....you have another baby on the way...a girl I heard....Shayne told me the last time he visited but I already knew....he misses me...he aches for me but I know he’s happy with you and..her....I know you take care and love him....he’s told me about her...she looks after him just as well....but I know...I see it for myself. She does it wholeheartedly. I know you’ll see to it he wants for nothing....neither will she or your children...their savior...protector...I know this loyalty of yours well.<br/>
I know you think of me from time to time...especially when you look at Shayne. Certain things he does...the way he smiles sometimes...his mannerisms...that’s when you remember me...it’s not like before....when I consumed you. You don’t notice my presence as much either...except on my birthday...or the day I took my last breath...sometimes you used to remember me on the anniversary of the last time we were intimate. But that too has faded. Not because you never loved me...not because you still don’t care for me. But when you Joan Ferguson...when you love and commit...you do so with everything you have. You’ve had to let go more and more because of your commitment to another.</p><p>She wanted to renew your vows....you agree to everything she asks and wants. Everyone knows she deserves it....I know you deserve her....I’m accepting she deserves you. I stand in the distance....watching it all. My handsome son stands next to you....you look beautiful....your beauty has increased with time...everything about you...I still love you....I still think you're perfect. I see a small crowd of friends or  maybe family....I see your son...a small boy who looks just like you....holding her hand and walking her down the aisle...walking her to you....she’s glowing....she’s wearing a white maternity dress....she’s barefoot in the sand walking...your eyes are fixated on her...she looks at you the same but the boy....has her attention....she laughs as they walk together to meet you...you picked him up...you hold her hand as you face the officiant and the ocean before you. I waited until your first dance....it reminded me of the one time we danced in my cell...at Blackmoore. I asked you to...you hesitated saying there wasn’t any music...but I started singing...you always complimented my singing. We slow danced...I asked you if we will always have all our dances together....you smiled and said you certainly hope so. I still remember how I felt in your arms that night....I remember what we did and how we loved each other after we danced. Now....You’re dancing with her...you seem more comfortable...complete...relaxed...holding her close...her eyes show she’s in awe of you...you are completely taken by her....everyone can see it. You’ll dance all your dances together now. It’s clear...it’s time. I need to let go....you’ve always come to me when I called you. But I need to let you go...go back to dancing on my own. I look at my son another time....he’s laughing...he’s happy...I’ll be back when he needs me. I look at you one final time...you must’ve felt my presence as you looked in my direction....I smiled wide for you....I know I have to let go. You gave me everything....now she’s given you everything...you looked away from me as she called your name and needed your attention....I took it as my cue to leave...and that’s what did. I didn’t stay to see if you would look in my direction again. I've just come to say goodbye. I know I’m gone but will never be forgotten.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This was the song that inspired me to write this POV...</p><p>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IcWyVl_iNyE</p></blockquote></div></div>
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